calnetalk.com

Local lass · Calnetalk Oracle Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 2606 Status:

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are
talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling inAustralia ?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel
to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar
but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
Scotland ".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from
a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the
Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the
Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is"
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light
I have is coming in from the window.

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good Go get them, and unplug your system and pack
it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
you bought it from"
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a
computer!!!!!"